Sunday, January 19, 2014

Dear Zriah...

Dear Zriah,

"I have been single for a several years now and I have tried dating however, everyone I have dated has some type of issues. They were secretly married or had a girlfriend or were just not interested in anything except sex all the time. I recently met someone (very recent) and, although I do want to settle down again, he is moving VERY fast. He started telling me he love me in about a week, he wants to have children and wants to be married within the next 2-3 years. I did not want to just blow him off but I am concerned about how fast this man is trying to move. It hasn't even been a month since I have met him. I am trying to be open-minded because I am very quick to cut someone off but I can't help but be concerned. Now, that is not all that has been happening. He has been telling me he is coming over and I will not see or hear from him until the next morning. He will text me 'good morning' like he did not just stand me up the night before. He has done this SEVERAL times. He came to my house on New Year's, left about 2 hours before midnight claiming he had to go to sleep for work the next day. When I tell him about his actions, he tries and say I am playing games. HUH? Then he says he loves me and I BETTER love him and not hurt him. It does not put me in the right mind or mood how he acts. I am just confused and I just wanted to ask someone who does not know me and cannot judge me based on knowing me. Thank you for your time and I will await your response."

Rather Be Alone

Dear Rather Be Alone,

Let me start by saying I can understand your concerns with this man. He sounds like he can be very controlling. ("You BETTER love him and not hurt him"). That is a very tall order for someone you just met. It also sounds like you want to take your time and get to know this individual and he is throwing things at you all at one time and then he gives you mix signals about the things he is throwing you. In one breath, it seems he is saying he loves you and want a family with you very early in this relationship yet he disappears on you in the next breath. Hmmm. On one hand, it could be another woman in his radar as well and telling you he is coming over keeps you at home while he is out with his other woman and vice versa for the other female.  On the other hand, he may just want to see how far you will let him go. In any case, he is pushing blame on you to remove the spotlight on him and having you second guess your own feelings about what he is doing and HE IS playing games. Don't let him play those mind games with you honey. You need to sit down and evaluate everything and try to look in the future. Remember, typically how a relationship starts is how it ends so if you allow things that make you unhappy or question yourself, this could last the entirety of your relationship. Do not allow this man or any man to control you, have you sitting at home waiting on him, and questioning your own morals. Do not settle based on loneliness. You sound like you have standards so KEEP YOUR STANDARDS! Don't waiver because of someone else's problems. Dust that dress off, grab those hills and pamper yourself. To hell with his drama. There are some wonderful, beautiful, faithful men in this world. It may take a little more time to find him.


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Disclaimer: I am not a professional nor do I claim to have any expertise in the subject matter. Questions asked receive answers based on my opinions alone.  The information provided is informational and should not be relied upon as legal/professional advice.

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