Monday, February 3, 2014
"First of all I love your book and cannot wait for your next book to come out! I have a Dilemma! (No pun intended). I have been with my boyfriend for about 6 years now and I love him dearly. He is wonderful to me but can be a bit controlling. He has to approve everything from my make-up to my attire. I was ok with it until it filtered to the bedroom. I have not had an orgasm with him in about 4 years!!! He wants everything HIS WAY! I have to lay how he wants, stand how he wants, touch him how he wants, and suck him how he wants. He has not performed oral sex on me in years yet I have to give him head about 4 times a day. I have grown quite tired of it. I want to walk away but I have nowhere to go. He takes care of me financially and I do not want for anything. I have no real work experience because he has allowed for me to stay at home all of this time and I do not have anything but a high school diploma.
The dilemma comes in here. About 2 years ago I was complaining and crying, talking to his brother. Next think I know I was giving him head. I ended up sleeping with him and we have been sleeping together for about that long. At first, I felt a little odd sleeping with his brother that day and then laying down with my boyfriend a couple of hours later. Now it doesn't bother me at all. He makes me feel good! His brother was NOT my type at all but I have grown to love him as well. I want to stop with his brother but I get multiple orgasms with him and it’s not all about him. He nurtures my body the way I need it to be nurtured. It’s not all about just his needs or just sucking him because he does the same to me and VERY well! He has made it very clear that he is not looking for any type of relationship with me but he enjoys being with me. I don't know what to do about either one of them. Please Help!"
Let me start by saying thank you for the compliment. Now let me jump right in here. You first mentioned that your boyfriend is good to you. I do not see how. It seems as though you are using the way he takes care of you financially as means that he is good to you. No ma'am! Now, I hate to do this but I have to preach. We as women set the standards that men expect. If we sit around and allow for them to do the things they do, they will continue to do those things. Yes, men are responsible for their actions but what are women doing to contribute to their actions. Think of it like this: A controlling man that is used to doing what he want, when he want with his woman is stuck in a room of ten women, two of them are head strong and will not put up with that but eight is OK with his actions because they just want a man. He will not have to change how he look at women because there are more women willing to do what he want than not willing. Now let’s reverse it, there are only two women willing to put up with him but eight who are not, he will then realize that he has to do some changes because the majority of the women he encounter demand respect and to be treated as a woman.
This man is only using you for his sexual pleasures. To hell with yours. He can dangle a couple of dollars at you and you jump on his balls. You have to stop that! You could have used some of that six years to go to school, educate yourself and felt more comfortable about walking out the door. His financial support should not be a factor in your happiness because guess what? You are still not happy! I noticed that you said he 'allows' you to stay at home. I 'allow' my dogs to go outside or sit in the living room for few hours but nobody 'allows' me to do a damn thing and neither should you. You have not mentioned it but I can almost guarantee this man puts his hands on you. You need to get out of this situation quick.
As far as the brother, although you are getting your jollies you are still being used as a toy. You never mentioned what the brother has done for you besides sex you. You did mention that he did not want a relationship which means to me that is something you may have wanted with him. He is sleeping with his brother's woman! I'm sure he is not wanting to take you serious. You were vulnerable when you went to him and he knew it that’s why you were giving him head the day you went crying to him. Can you imagine how your CONTROLLING boyfriend will react if he knew you were blowing both of them. Let’s just hope for your sake that your boyfriend already knows.
I'm not sure if there are some self-esteem issues going on or what but you have to get yourself out of this situation. Neither of the two are good. Take time to learn you and love you and realize you are worth more. Once you realize that, you will see everything a little better.
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Disclaimer: I am not a professional nor do I claim to have any expertise in the subject matter. Questions asked receive answers based on my opinions alone. The information provided is informational and should not be relied upon as legal/professional advice.